1. |
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I never really wanted to be seen
I never really wanted to be heard
‘Cause I’m afraid they’ll see what’s underneath, Oh I
I’m afraid they’ll see all of my hurt
I’m not okay
Though I pretend to be
‘Cause I was never really comfortable
With my vulnerabilities
I just wanna fade into the background
I’ll be the flower on the wall
I don’t know what happens if I pull the mask down
Would anybody even hear me if I called?
They always told me I was strong
I’m silenced by the courage they perceive
I don’t know how much longer I can keep the facade up
I feel like I’m bursting at the seams
I don’t wanna fade into the background
I can’t be the flower on the wall
But I don’t know what happens if I pull the mask down
Would anybody even hear me if I called?
This mask is starting to weigh me down
My heart is racing, my heart is pounding
My thoughts are all drowned out
Can’t keep hiding, but
I wish someone could seek me out
I’m getting lost in the background
I’m fading right into the wall
If I had a ladder maybe I could climb out
Could you help me find the first rung?
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2. |
Sallad
03:40
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Can’t explain why I’m feeling caged and claustrophobic
Needing space, but that’s not an option and I know it
In a crowd alone
And the pain drowns me in waves I can’t see coming
Hard to take when my body’s going numb
And I lose control
When my limbs shake and it gets hard to speak
When my mind aches and I’m feeling so weak
When my heart breaks in two
When I wake up, but I wish I wouldn’t wake up
It gets tough when you know you’ll never be enough
How do you push through?
Medicating; I’ve never been so low
Feels like I’m fading, and I’m tired of being broken
I’m losing hope
When my limbs shake and it gets hard to speak
When my mind aches and I’m feeling so weak
When my heart breaks in two
When I wake up, but I wish I wouldn’t wake up
It gets tough when you know you’ll never be enough
How do you push
La-di-da-di-da-da-da
La-di-da-di-da-da-dum
Ooh-ohh (x2)
When my limbs shake and it gets hard to speak
When my mind aches and I’m feeling so weak
When my heart breaks in two
When I wake up, but I wish I wouldn’t wake up
It gets tough when you know you’ll never be enough
How do you push
When my limbs shake and it gets hard to speak
When my mind aches and I’m feeling so weak
When my heart breaks in two
When I wake up, but I wish I wouldn’t wake up
It gets tough when you know you’ll never be enough
How do you push through?
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3. |
One More
04:54
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So many battles left upon my shelves
Can’t take them down without a war against myself
So the tears keep falling down my face, yeah
And on my lips I can’t forget the way they taste, oh
I’m a mess, I’m a mess, I’m a mess, I’m a mess
I don’t know how to pick up the pieces, no but
I just keep pushing further on, and on again
Just one more inch, one more step to the edge
I don’t know, I don’t know, but I’ll do it alone, whoa-oh
Where do you go when nowhere feels like home?
There’s just no going back on the hand you hold
Just one more call, one more bluff ‘til I fold
Do I stare blankly from my bed?
Or let the waves come crashing down
When I can’t catch my breath, oh
I’m a mess, I’m a mess, I’m a mess, I’m a mess
I don’t know how to pick up the pieces, no but
I just keep pushing further on, and on again
Just one more inch, one more step to the edge
I don’t know, I don’t know, but I’ll do it alone, whoa-oh
Where do you go when nowhere feels like home?
There’s just no going back on the hand you hold
Just one more call, one more bluff ‘til I fold
But I keep a face like stone and no one knows
Behind the smile: the story untold
To keep the darkness in the shadows
But alone I fall apart on my bedroom floor
Do you know what you’d find if you opened up that door?
I’m a mess, I’m a mess, I’m a mess, I’m a mess
I don’t know how to pick up the pieces, no but
I just keep pushing further on, and on again
Just one more inch, one more step to the edge
I don’t know, I don’t know, but I’ll do it alone, whoa-oh
Where do you go when nowhere feels like home?
There’s just no going back on the hand you hold
Just one more call, one more bluff ‘til I fold
‘Til I fall apart
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4. |
I'll Never
03:20
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Every time I see your face
Every time you say my name
I can’t look away, no
Sifting through our burning past
Hope it hasn’t gone to ash
‘Cause I set us aflame
But I can’t let go
I won’t let go
Why do I want you? I shouldn’t want you
I can’t want you
Can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout you; I’m thinkin’ ‘bout you
And I don’t want to
But I’ll never have you, oh-no
I won’t. I’ll never, no.
See you’ve got complicated ties
But I just couldn’t live a lie
I’m sorry that you could
While you were making my heart stall
I was making the tough calls
‘Cause you never would
No you can’t let go
You won’t let go
Why do I want you? I shouldn’t want you
I can’t want you
Can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout you; I’m thinkin’ ‘bout you
And I don’t want to
But I’ll never have you, oh-no
I won’t. I’ll never, no.
When you call, don’t know what to do
‘Cause I told you that I don’t want to
What’s a wall if you walk right through?
And it feels like it on purpose, ‘cause
What’s to misconstrue?
Why do I want you? I shouldn’t want you
I can’t want you
Can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout you, I’m thinkin’ ‘bout you
And I don’t want to
But I’ll never have you, oh-no
I won’t. I’ll never, no.
But I know I don’t deserve this so
I can’t wait for you.
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5. |
Honestly
03:26
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We were solid as a rock, I thought
And we were growing
But we were two tectonic plates diverging
And I didn’t know it
When did you depart?
Thought I had it all, but I was wrong
Maybe I’m naive
I thought you were the answer, but now
I don’t know what to believe
Wish I could restart
Oh-whoa
‘Cause I’m tired of the empty words
And unkept promises
I’m so sick of heartfelt messages
To string me along again
Could you be honest? Do you know what is honest? Mm
And everybody’s listening
Thinking you’re so deep
They don’t know that you are just a shell
There’s nothing underneath
Could you be honest? Do you know what is honest? Mm
You were a convincing liar
I’ll give you that
When I finally found out, it was too late
To get my heart back
Is this what you wanted?
Oh-whoa
And I’m tired of the empty words
And unkept promises
I’m so sick of heartfelt messages
To string me along again
Could you be honest? Do you know what is honest? Mm
And everybody’s listening
Thinking you’re so deep
They don’t know that you are just a shell
There’s nothing underneath
Could you be honest? Do you know what is honest? Mm
Ohh-whoa-whoa (x2)
What’s the point in going on?
Well maybe we could work it out
But I don’t wanna see
What would I be giving up
To be living miserably?
Oh-whoa
And I’m tired of the empty words
And unkept promises
I’m so sick of heartfelt messages
To string me along again
Could you be honest? Do you know what is honest? Mm
And everybody’s listening
Thinking you’re so deep
They don’t know that you are just a shell
There’s nothing underneath
Could you be honest? Do you know what is honest? Mm
Honestly...
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Katie Seto Toronto, Ontario
Quirky Toronto-based singer/songwriter, musician, and partnered Twitch streamer (voiceunmuted). Here to bring smiles while writing songs for sad girl hours and occasionally internalized rage.
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